I cannot find my penis.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
