i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
