Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
