whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My feet surprised me
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