omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize