All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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