I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
