I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
