Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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