In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
