If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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