Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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