so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
