i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
this hospital has no fireball
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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