Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
