So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
