I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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