Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
