Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
