READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize