Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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