why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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