I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize