thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
