Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
