So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
