I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
