wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
