Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
