can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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