She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
