Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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