I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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