hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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