I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
