You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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