I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
