well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
