Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize