Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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