Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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