There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Randomize
