i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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