Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
