So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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