I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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