Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
