I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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