I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
