yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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