I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
