wat bout pragnant strippers??
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
