i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
