Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
