I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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