I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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