Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
