he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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