what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
