dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
