So drunk its hurt
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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