I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he thought i was a dude.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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