While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
