Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
