I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
