1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it because I queefed?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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